We saw Letters from Iwo Jima on Saturday afternoon - a phenomenal movie despite the many suicides ... I spent a portion of time holding back hysterics. At one point - sensing yet another self-inflicted gun shot to the head by a Japanese solider - Dan just covered my eyes. Perhaps the sweetest gesture ever, but one also so unfortunate. There are some days I just fall in love with him all over again. I want to kick myself for ever doubting ... for being such an asshole.
I am feeling better than I have been as I have taken some time to reevaluate and stop acting in crisis mode. I hate acting in crisis mode. I have decent money coming in - in the next few weeks. My sister has mentioned that she would like to come visit me during her winter break. I have a baby shower at the end of February, and I may go stay with Sandra for a few to catch up on some girl time.
I didn't have any therapy last week, which made me feel awkward and a bit out of control. I'll be honest, I miss my EMDR therapist terribly. I miss being in his office. I thought I would be happy when this ended. I have one close out session tomorrow and I can't wait.
Dan is getting into Almodovar, which makes me very happy. We watched The Flower of My Secret yesterday morning and he enjoyed very much. We ended the day with Talladega Nights. High brow and low brow.
Signing off for now.
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4 comments:
I so HOPE you can come in Feb and stay with Emmanuel, Kia, the fish, Gitana the cat and I for a couple of days. If I can get my mom to watch em we can even go out or something :).
I was thinking of maybe going into therapy, yes, I just told everyone I want to go to therapy. Ok, Im cured. HA, NOT. I can't take this whole eczema that comes when I'm freaking out and my body looks horrible. I have been told recently that I have letting go issues with my children and my job. Eveyone seems to think I can control that but I can't. SO any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated it. I already got sleeping pills, but I dont like them, they make me sleep soundly and I can't hear the kids....see letting go issues right there. Well, I love you and you ROCK! and so does Dan for always backing you up and giving you confidence.
Hi Sanj,
I think it's totally normal to want to want to hear your kids at night.
What kind of sleeping pills were you prescribed? If you want a natural remedy, which won't make you fall into such a deep slumber, try Melatonin. (You can find in any vitamin section at a drug store.) You can also try Kava Kava. At first I didn't like the Kava as I thought it gave me nightmares, but now it seems to be working just fine. (I believe it's sold at like health food or GNC type stores.)
In terms of letting go issues with your job ... I'm not sure if it's down to "letting go of the job" or "letting go of the things that happen at the job." Either way, your concerns are physically manifesting - and that's pretty much a tell-tale sign to attempt to figure out how to resolve some of what's bothering you.
I'm a big fan of therapy, but many people are afraid of it. It is scary sometimes - the things I've admitted to, the things I've concluded. I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned a lot about others. It's made me a better person.
Also, if you feel like there is something that you can't control (and it may be harmful to your relationships and to yourself)- that's another tell-tale sign that you may need to talk to someone. But only if you are ready.
P.S. I think the music ed survey results are supposed to come out around the same time I want to visit! And a new biz prospect is coming into Ithaca to visit her kid at Cornell and she wants to meet. I had already blocked out the time to come see you and go to the baby shower in White Plains, but now I may have to do some maneuvering.
:) thank you! I'll try that. The dr. gave me Ambien. It is brutal to me but I think my 3 hours sleep at night are not doing wonders for my attitude ;)
I always say I love what I do but how much can I do? see what I mean?
Im not afraid of therapy. I needed to vent. That felt good!
I hope you can come but biz does come first so I understand ;). I'll be here free and clear so no worries ;). xox
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