So Quiet

I've been feeling sorta numb lately, not quite sure what's going on...all I know is that there is a lot going on in my head, I just don't know how to get it out.

This morning I had a crying fit as I started thinking it will be 6 months since my mom's suicide. It's been a while since I had a good cry--so I guess it was necessary. However, I'm shaken to the core today and my appearance certainly shows it. Black eyes, bags, all that good stuff.
I'm sorta dreading the next few months as there will be many milestones. The birthdays of my mom, Cliff, Amy and Peter. Mother's Day.

The numbness also lends itself to my clumsiness, which is still apparent. I cut two fingers pretty deeply while slicing a bagel. I dropped a pyrex dish that shattered into a million pieces and got glass in my foot. I somehow got bruises on the tops of my feet. It's strange...

I'm not really sure what's keeping me going...my days have become so consistent I feel as if I'm barely living them. I've become increasingly organized with everything--finances, work, my home, my hobbies--I guess it's a part of gaining some control and decreasing the shock value in my life. Sometimes I feel outright obsessive.

Dan is leaving at the beginning of June and it's def. freaking me out. I'm not sure how I'll be without him around to take care of me...for me to take care of him. Fortunately, Emily is sticking around for the summer.

Moo is going in for his testing on Monday. Hopefully, they'll determine that they can fix his problems with surgery.

On the fun front - I'll have a lot to post a little bit later. Gotta try and get some work done. Signing off.