Joy To The World

Again, it's been a long time since I blogged. Just to give you an update of what's been happening here in 'Thaca...there's about 4 inches of snow on the ground left over from last week. This is not to say that it hasn't snowed since. In fact, it seems to snow almost daily - a light flurry that scatters throughout the day. Our complex is pretty empty as all of the students have left for the holidays. The Pyramid Mall, a locale where normally the amount of people inside could easily be counted by a 3-year-old, has been packed to capacity for the last 10 days as people frantically shop. TJ Maxx looks like it's been ransacked - though I still have been there twice this week and twice last week. The Commons has beautiful ice statues outside of some of the popular stores and eateries. Parking down there has been difficult and the streets are part slush part pure ice. I keep having visions of blowing out my knee.

So what's been going on at 10 Fairview Square? Well my cigarette consumption is up 75 percent since November 1.

I finished the last book I read, which I mentioned in my last blog entry and have started a mystery called Blood of Angels. The writer is a hack, but he's got a good flair for drama.

Moo fell down the stairs last week due to a progressive neurological condition that has caused his back legs to weaken. The vet's estimate totals around $6,000. Since we simply can not afford that, we've put him on a low dose of steroids, which makes him pee a lot. He also looses control of his bowel functions - and rather unfortunately poops at the most random times and places. I will not say more about this subject.

I've trucked through the holiday milieu despite my sudden rash of tears and stony demeanor. In fact, I've even wrapped all of my gifts. I never thought I would hate Christmas so much, but the time has come.

I've worked diligently even through paralyzing exhaustion. I can honestly say, I haven't put myself over the edge. Things have slowed down.

I still continue to tend to our home, plants, fishies - and just about everything else that needs my attention. Hell, I even went for a manicure and pedicure last week. (Thanks Shan - it was great. The place is awesome and Dan and I are going there for all of our beautifying needs.)

I made it through the last weekend's wedding, which I will say was difficult and I had to fight back tears most of the night. You see the last time my family was together was at Shannon's wedding. We all had a wonderful time.

Last weekend I wore makeup two days in row--even dressed in my fancy clothes. It was full-on Annie. Dan was so happy to see me that way again.

As I prepare to once again pack up the car and head back to W.C. tomorrow night, I'm gripped by terrible anxiety. Does anyone know what it's like to cry for the entire duration of a 4 hour road trip? The radio doesn't bring comfort as all that's playing are Christmas tune. Anything Nat King Cole, Andy Williams and Bing Crosby always get me. Sometimes I cry until I feel as if I will vomit; then I rush to a bathroom to cry some more.

Once I get to W.C. nothing around me looks the same, and it certainly doesn't feel good to be there. In fact, I hate W.C. like I hate Christmas.

What I need now is a Christmas miracle, a divine intervention, my mom to come back. I need a makeover, plastic surgery and shock therapy. I need me back.

The Aftermath

For a while I was super busy with work – thoroughly enjoyable work. In fact, I was at the top of my game. I suppose it was a much needed reprieve from my considerable grief and depression. Things have since slowed down, and I’m feeling distant and restless. Valium helps a bit. TV helps a bit. Reading, which I’ve once again had the concentration to tackle, has helped a bit. Cleaning the house has helped a bit. Work has helped a bit. Dan has helped a bit. The Boys have helped a bit. My dear friends have helped a bit. But nothing really makes me feel how I felt seven weeks ago.

Just a short while ago I found solace in talking to old family friends and members for whom I rarely spoke to before my mom’s death. It suddenly occurred to me that I wasn’t talking but interviewing them. I decided back in 1998 that I would never be a journalist, but suddenly I couldn’t stop asking questions. Everyone has an opinion, an accusation, a suspicion, a personal feeling of guilt. I can say there is a lot of blame to go around, but who pulled the trigger?

No one knew her like me and dad. I could let my suspicion carry me off to forbidden territory, but let’s call a spade a spade. My mother was never mentally well. Beautiful – yes. Generous – yes. Stylish – yes. Personable – yes. Funny – yes. Nurturing – yes. Great in the kitchen – yes. Great with decorating – yes. Creative – yes. But she had a secret side. This side was mean, unreasonable, unjust and sometimes deliberately cruel. This side had self-hate. This side was insecure. This side didn’t want to live anymore.

I’m reading a book called, “the curious incident of the dog in the nigh-time” by mark haddon. Yes, all lowercase. (Thank you K – for the freebie). There is a line:

Entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem.
It’s Latin for:
No more things should be presumed to exist than absolutely necessary.

I suppose all of my interviewing has allowed people to let out all of their assumptions – their allegations. While this may have helped them, in the end all I’ve felt was played. Everything they say rings in my ears, and I wish for a moment I was without ears. Of course, my ears aren’t ringing, my feeble mind is. But I’ve forced it all.

Dealing with the aftermath of a relative’s suicide leaves a rather fragmented self. I know the parts of me, but they’re not fitting together nicely. I feel a tremendous loss, and I am lost. My day starts and ends with little gratification. I suppose all is not hopeless as I still keep going at it. I still wake up at a decent hour, wash, dress, eat, work. I still remember to set the coffee pot at night. I still feed my dogs. I still wash the dishes and sweep the floor. I do the laundry and water the plants. My fishies are fed each night. I make the bed. I clean up my desk when the work day is done and turn off my computer. I kiss the picture of my mom and dad with all 5 pugs that I have on my nightstand and tell her goodnight. I shop for groceries. I remember to record my favorite television shows. I cook supper. I call the kids each day when they get home from school. I snuggle with Dan on the couch. But it’s as if I do each of these things with a bleeding, festering sore dead center on my chest that just won’t heal. I can apply creams and ointments and sterile wraps, but the sore is raw and bone deep. It just won’t scab.

So I stitch it up with grief counseling and the suicide survivors group I go to every month whose members find me fascinating. I suppose under normal circumstances I would find this to be a compliment.

At the start of this blog I documented all of the dramatic changes in my life. Moving four hours from home seems like a relatively minor change a few months later. I still agree it was one of the best decisions I’ve made to date. I suppose what this tragedy has made me realize is that I can not continue to duck the blows. This blow hit me square on, and my feet are too weak to stand up.

Britney And K-Fed On The Outs?

Click on post title for complete story.

The Last Time

Shannon's wedding October 2005. This was the last time we were all together. As usual, I'm absent from the picture. What a great time we all had. We danced up a storm.

Major News on the Pitt-Jolie Front

Click on title of this posting.

So This is Christmas

I can't believe Christmas is in a few weeks. I don't even know how I'm going to shop for people this year. And then there is another wedding on Sunday, Dec. 18. Dan is in Manhattan for the night and I'm hoping I'll be able to get to sleep. I'm all pent up tonight. Way too much energy.

Forgot a Title

so what's going on today. helluva lot! today was crazy. if only i had an intern, i could get rid of all this administative bullshit i have to get done during the day. i spent hours building media lists. i'm even behind on my invoices. i don't really have the money to pay anyone tho' and kids ain't working for free these days.

dan's in manhattan today. it's the tree lighting. poor dan. so he's going to get back tonight at aroudn 1pm go to calls in the morning and leave for nyc again in in the afternoon. he's got to stay the night for yet another mtg. on monday morning. i don't like being alone in he house at night anymore.

ok so AZ and Stace - totally into Laguna Beach. I noticed that my sister speaks like Kristen every once in a while. she's hooked on the show too.

let's get some comments going on last night's episode of Nip/Tuck. fuck a duck dude. that was some crazy shit. anyone have a copy of last week's episode. i can't believe i missed it - don't know what i could have been doing that was more important than watching Nip/Tuck....oh yeah, that's when Dan's brother came over.

gots to go. time for LOST. signing off.

Some Chatter

since i arrived back in 'Thaca late Saturday evening, it has snowed, reached nearly 60 degrees, been wind crazy and torrentially downpoured.

i'm thinking a need a day at a spa. shannon covered the nails and feets with the fancy gift certificate she so slyly had danny pick up for me at a salon on The Commons. i still haven't made an appointement, but probably will try to for the weekend. i need this hair cut, these brows tweezed and some sort of facial rejuvenation. plain and simple, i look like shit. i swear i've aged 10 years.

i think i'm off the salami. my lastest craving is cereal--particularly any sort of frosted square. i prefer the POST brand of frosted mini's to the registered Frosted Mini-Wheats. just as an fyi.

the new sleeping aid i take leaves a rather bitter taste in my mouth. i think it also makes my farts extra stinky - tho that could be the salami. at least it doesn't make my crotch itch like the valium. but none of you need to know any of this. i've just been building media lists for too long and my brain is deflating.

i got two inquiries for business today and its freaked me the fuck out. i can't really handle any more work, but i am interested in, well, i'd seriously like to make additions/deletions to my current roster if you catch my drift. also, writing for me as become a big old bitch. i hate it. i can barely get my words straight. it's funny when you go through a traumatic experience you lose your faculties. i find myself relying on my eyeglasses more; repeating stories; seriously forgetting having conversations about x, y and z; excessive thirst; daily headaches; fatigue; physical weakness (and we all know i think i'm Hercules - remember the toe incident?).

anyway, i'm kinda like a walking timebomb. i wonder if i'm going implode from emotional pain or explode from just being frightened and overwhelmed. either way it'll just suck. that's what i'm working on with my therapist. i'm supposedly running on less than a quarter of a tank and need to say no, better prioritize, know my limitations, and all that other stuff. signing off.

Recent Splits and Other Gossip.

OK so I haven't been keeping you up on the gossip front. I will resume my duties as soon as possible. Click on this post's title to get some scoop about Nick and Jessica. It's almost embarassing with them. Like I've said before, we all know deep down inside that Jessica went pro-ho.

Giselle and Leo are done...again.

There's a rumor going that Nicole Kidman might be getting hitched to that country dude Keith Urban.

Paris Hilton, another pro-ho, might have been the one to finally break up Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush.

Stacy - Tate Donovan got married this weekend. Sorry. :-(

Rick Springfield (yes, I said Rick Springfield) will return to General Hospital after 50 years of really doing nothing else. Gosh I had the biggest crush on him. I used to wear a Rick Springfield button that my Uncle Frankie made for me. Suprised he didn't wear it.

About Her Part I

This is more for me than for anyone else. As each day passes, I make a mental list of things that I will miss about my mom. (It just so happens that a lot of things are food oriented. Gosh that woman could cook.) It's funny, but even when she was alive, there are things that I needed from her and missed about her on a daily basis (as I hope you all realize about your own parents)... It's dinner time and you're craving your mom's special pasta. You just got out of a hellacious meeting and you really want to discuss it with your dad. You need advice from your mom about the amount of money to give as a wedding gift...

Mom, these are the things that made me so happy.

1. the day you told me you were pregnant with Amy
2. the smile on your face when you watched Peter get off of his flight from Guatemala to the U.S.
3. pumpkin pancakes
4. eggnog pancakes
5. sausage and green apple stuffing
6. arroz con gondules
7. pasta with diced tomatoes and mozzarella
8. discussing our favorite tv shoes like LOST and Desperate Housewives
9. trading books
10. shopping at TJ Maxx
11. buying gifts for her from my trips
12. her delight at opening those gifts
13. watching her decorate the Christmas tree
14. stuffed peppers
15. seeing her in her penny loafers
16. watching her dance
17. smoking cigarettes with her on the deck
18. empanadas
19. talking to her everyday on the phone
20. asking her, "how the hell do I cook this?"
21. gossipping about celebs
22. christmas shopping together
23. eating pecan sticky buns from the place in the Danbury Mall
24. watching the Thanksgiving Day parade together and commenting on the new floats
25. her birthday gifts
26. dumping out the contents of my christmas stocking before her eyes
27. watching her opening the christmas gifts I so carefully picked out for her and knowing how much she loved them
28. breakfast on christmas morning
29. rapping over a freshly brewed cup of coffee
30. talking to her about my recent successes
31. watching her kiss and hug the pugs
32. watching her take care of Pen Pen
33. seeing her curled up on the couch in her pj's
34. watching her run her hands through her beautiful hair
35. the smile she had when she said something bad
36. the smile she had when I said something bad
37. watching movies together, which she would usually fall asleep during
38. the look on her face when she walked into a store that she really liked
39. eating Chinese food together
40. walking the dogs together
41. borrowing her jewelry, shoes and shawls for special occasions
42. the smile on her face when she returned from a dinner with her husband
43. her sweet smell
44. the shine of her hair
45. potato salad
46. nacho dip
47. hearing her sing Spanish songs

Post T-Day and All That

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I realized that my cooking skills aren't nearly as bad as they used to be, and I managed to pull off the annual feast without getting anyone sick. In fact, the food tasted pretty damn good. Overall, the day was as good as it possibly could be.

The past few days have been strange. Before we left I dropped my pearl earring--the very last birthday present from my mom--down the bathroom sink drain. Dan found me on the bathroom floor crying. Being the wonderful guy that he is, he created this thin tubing hooked up to the wet/dry vac to go down the drain. It didn't work, but his sweet attempts put me at ease. We called maintenance and while we were gone for holiday they managed to fish it out.

We got digital cable and a DVR before we left, so that made me feel better. At least I now have my mindless comfort machine.

My aunt and cousin came up to W.C. on Friday and we went thru my mom's things. The weekend of the wake, I found this very old photo album from the 70s with pics of my mom in high school. My aunt told me that my mom used to sell pot. That made me laugh. Only my mom...

I have more to write, but I've got to get some work done. Signing off.

Don't Feel Like Writing This Week

Good movie. Go see it.

A, B, C, DDDDDDDDD

Yesterday I had a really bad night. I was angry, cleaning like a freak and being a bitch. I couldn't calm down.

I kept thinking about Cliff and the night my mother died. I keep thinking about finally getting him on the phone after Amy told me that she saw mom with blood on her face. Amy kept saying, "I think she's dead." And I just kept saying, "No, no, she probably just fell and hurt herself." Then Cliff got on the phone and I said, "What's going on?" And he said, "Ann-Marie, you're mother shot herself in the head. She's dead." The words head and dead were stated with such clarity. The ending "d's" were properly articulated. Normally, in colliquial speak, we'll let that last "d" just roll off our tongues. Her death was proclaimed.

So that's what I keep hearing. Those "d's." They echo--those "d's"--and they make me leave my own body because I can't accept them just yet. I don't want to believe.

There were times when I thought about cutting my mother off. She did it first. She wasn't supposed to.

Funky Tree

I'm super excited to see Stacy and Andrew this weekend. I need their warmth and smiles.

I'm a little jittery today. Not sure what the deal is. Yesterday my brain was fried, and I wasn't very productive ont the work front.

Dan was going through my blog yesterday--as he was scrolling down he came to the picture of Patrick Dempsey and he asked, "Is that me?" I was rolling.

Today the heat and hot water in our apartment is not working. Also, our cable is out. The three month stretch of free cable is over. Now it's time to pay up. Sucks. Great when I have two other TV addicts in my apartment this weekend...

We went to Rick and Emily's to watch LOST last night. The Michelle Rodriguez character annoys me. Anyone agree?

We took this picture about two weeks after I moved here. This tree lives at the Cornell Arboretum. For some reason, it reminded me of Kimmee.

The Mysteries Unravel

OK Peeps. I've got some delegating to do -- Stacy and Kimmee, I need you to find all of the Web-based research you could find on dissociative identity disorder while I try and dig out my DSM. Stacy if you could take time away from flirting with the hot young thing at your firm. Kimmee if you could take time away from complaining about your mother-in-law. Just kidding. Seriously, you guys are my best researchers. I need you on the job this week.

Second, I think someone should have been added to the Hot List a very long time ago.

Welcome Joaquin Phoenix (remember when his name was Leaf?).

Anyway, we're very excited to see Walk the Line this weekend. -Andrew FYI - I didn't think you'd have a problem when Stacy and I discussed last night. (P.S.) both of you have your junky food orders in by Thursday when I go shopping.

Anyway, I had a very long convo with my father last night. I can't remember what I said anymore because I had to take another sleeping pill after the phone call. I got everything I was feeling out. It's funny how so many people are feeling blame and guilt, he's the only one with a clean conscience? I'm sorry, but Peter is the only one with a clean conscience.

Anyway, I also spoke to Jane (my mom's former bff) for two hours. Jane and I were very close for many years. About 15 years ago Jane told Gino (her boyfriend at the time; today her husband) and my father that she thought my mother was mentally ill. She said I think she has dissociative identity disorder. Gino said that Jane was crazy. My father shrugged it off. Then I told Jane how my mother used to treat me as a child. She had know idea. My father had know idea. I say I knew her the longest. My father says he knew her the best. 15 years later my mother puts a .38 to her forehead while the kids are in the house and we're all still shocked to shit about it.

Where One Life Ends and Another Begins

I'm still trying to kick this cold, but I'm feeling much better today. This weekend we did a million things; I talked to a million people--generally anything to keep myself occupied. I've noticed that between 7-9 p.m. I lose my shit and have a major crying fit.

I went to my usual haunts to occupy my mind--the Pyramid Mall, the Ithaca Bakery, Target and A.C. Moore. We also hit Lowe's on friday night. We bought another orchid plant and what I think is an evergreen tree. I was hoping it would make our house smell like Christmas tree, but no such luck.

Saturday afternoon we went to see Derailed. I would call this your typical 2-star movie. The cast was bizarre, the plot was predictable, but Clive Owen was brilliant. He's a sexy beast. Jennifer Anniston couldn't shake being Rachel Green--even in a thriller. She was much better in Along Came Polly.

Yesterday I spent a lot of time on the phone with various family members. It was nice catching up, but we don't really want to discuss our own lives, we just want to talk about my mother.

My Dad called me this morning having a freakout. He wants me to come home. He needs my help. I said no. Can't do it. Can't leave my work. Can't work efficiently from your house. Can't. Can't. Can't.

There are so many reasons. So many.

FINALLY

Peter Sarsgaard. My dopey eyed lovebug.

Home is Where the...

still toying with the idea of going home tomorrow. i know amy really wants to see me, but I can not even begin to explain the level of tired I am feeling. and i'm sick--bad cold and the beginnings of a bronichitus, temperature. i've overextended myself with work and i need to do some thinking and organizing this weekend. i also want to clean my fish tank.

i've actually had a pretty bad week and today i was not mentally stable. i've had mood swings all over the place.

so my food choice of the week has been onion rings, french fries and salami.

i watched Rushmore. if you like that unexplainable sense of humor from Owen Wilson and Wes Anderson, then def. rent this. it made me laugh. Bill Murray is a funny guy. the only movie i can not stand with him tho' is Groundhog's Day.

i wanted to go to Rick and Emily's on Wednesday to watch LOST, but I just couldn't make it...i just couldn't drag myself over there and pretend i was ok when my face was swollen from tears. Wednesday was week two. two whole weeks, and i still feel like i'm watching the world go by me. i'm trying to make out Thank You notes, but they just don't seem to be happening fast enough. i can't seem to find anyone's address. everything i need is at my parent's house--and i just can't go back there yet.

the person that's really freaking me out is my Dad. he's the angriest person i've ever seen, and we've been fighting. he keeps saying that i'm treating him like my mother by telling him what to do. that hasn't helped me at all. this week i felt like i lost both of my parents, and i've been hanging by a thread. he apologized to me today tho'. i guess it's made me feel better, but he's not the same person that raised me. i'll be straight, he's being a stupid bastard, and he wants to purge all remnants of my mother right away.

Hot List Updates

Kimmee has requested that I add Wentworth Miller to the hot list. He's ok, but I liked him in The Human Stain.

I'm still having trouble getting the pic of Peter Sarsgaard up and it's pissing me off. I went searching for another and that one isn't posting either. Fucking blogger. I did find a full frontal pic.
Anyone care to find me a new one?

Anyway, I like my grief counselor. He seems like a sweetheart. It's good to know that all of my ups and downs are perfectly normal. If I was still in bed, not changing my clothes and not reacting to anything, then he would be concerned. What I wasn't realizing is that I, Amy, Peter and Cliff have really been thru an extremely traumatic situation. Having dealt with so much bullshit for some many years and seen some pretty crazy things, I was thinking that my mother's death was almost run of the mill. It's not though--at all. And what we've all lived through for the past 10 years is not OK. I'll be OK, but nothing we've lived through has been ordinary.

Retarded Dog

So Baby last night decided that he was petrified of the fire hydrant he pees on most days. He actually ran onto the street (it was late, no traffic) and refused to pass the hydrant again. Let me just say that Moo was peeing on the hydrant at this point. Then, back on the couch, he decided he wanted to drink my rasberry seltzer from the glass. We all know that's he's scared of glasses, mugs, bottles...I don't know what's up with that dog.

I've got some sort of a cold. Now there are just no limits to me feeling like shit.

Numbers

If you ever read the Numbers column in Time Magazine...this one really struck me.

200 Hunters awarded permits for Maryland's bear-hunting season; nearly 2,000 applied.
8 Age of Sierra Stiles, the girl who scored the season's first kill.

Normal, huh?

He Said I Love You

I've already reneged on one of the rules I promised my mom I would commit to - hypocrasy. I received a Kevin Costner movie (The Upside of Anger) from Netflix this weekend. I'm a big Joan Allen fan. Throw in Evan Rachel Wood, Erick Christensen and Keri Russell and I can get over Old Gerkin being in the flick...at least I think I can.

So I went to see Jarhead on Friday night. The movie was PACKED with college boys. It was a decent movie, but it fell short in a lot of ways. It was like I was all in to it and then it just ended. There were some great one-liners and a nice shot of Jake's butt. Peter Sargaard -- I just LOVE him. See Shattered Glass if you haven't already. Also, see Empire (tho' it got terrible reviews) and and The Salton Sea (Val Kilmer so good). (Stacy, don't see Empire because John Leguizamo is in it) So we'll add those two to the hot list this week. (I actually think I've added Jake to the list before.) Blogger is being a pain about uploading photos--so Sarsgaard will come later.

I bought a lot of junk this weekend. I floated in and out of TJ Maxx, Big Lots, The Dollar Tree, Old Navy, Bath and Body Works, Wegmans, A.C. Moore and Target all weekend. Looking at stupid stuff take my mind off of things. I started to read again this weekend too. I read the Ithaca Times, a few pages of Elle and my new book Magical Thinking. My mom loved Augusten Burroughs too.

A few people sent us plants with flowers to the wake. The flowers have all died, but the plants are lovely, so I bought some new potters and replanted them.

My father (Bill) called me a few times this weekend. I didn't have the energy to talk to him. For the first time since I was five he said he loved me. It shocked me to the core. I guess it takes your mother committing suicide for your deadbeat dad to come back into your life. I'm happy that despite all that I've been through in life, I'm still shocked by things. I feel it keeps me innocent.

I'm going to get to work now--as much as I want to stay in bed. Signing off. Love you guys.

Back to Basics

In the WSJ today
Denver Legalizes Marijuana
Encouraging cheap jokes about its "Mile High" nickname, Denver voted to legalize possession by adults of up to an ounce of marijuana. Denver police were not on the same page, saying they would simply use state possession laws to keep arresting marijuana users. Two other U.S. cities, Oakland and Seattle, have recently voted to require police to make marijuana possession their lowest law-enforcement priority.

Sounds like a good place to live. I'm excited because the OC and Reunion are returning tonight. With ER on at 10pm, looks like I'll have 3 solid hours of distraction.

My head has been cloudy today. I talk to people on the phone and I don't know what I'm saying. A client said I called him on the phone the night before and asked him to send me a photo for PR purposes. I don't remember this AT ALL.

I'm so tired and weepy. I've taken to eating chocolate and salami (not at the same time.) I suppose it's better than drinking scotch and popping valium. My sleep has been dreamless. I'm searching for signs everywhere. I keep thinking of the Friends episode when Phoebe found the cat that she believed was the reincarnation of her Mom. Please Guys, if I get there check me in to the nearest pysch unit.

I miss her so much. She's everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

I've decided to not go home this weekend. I can't handle the drive. I can't handle being in that house. I just can't deal. My Dad says it's OK--he doesn't want me to do anything I can't handle. Dan just keeps saying he wants to take care of me. I need that. I need someone to take care of me.

I'm thinking about giving the business up--taking a job at TJ Maxx or Wegmans. I'm just so afraid of fucking up. Mom would hate me for doing that, but how much strength can I have? Where in the fuck is my peace?

October 26, 2005

Mama,
I will make the right decisions.
I will forgive.
I will never hate.
I will never be a hypocrite.
I will raise good-hearted children.
I will marry a man that will make it his priority to be the best father and husband he can be.
I will cherish my friends.
I will cherish my family and those you truly loved--Amy, Peter, Papa, Abby, Pen Pen, Maggie, Marshy, Baby, Titi Dorothy, Tio Junior, Tio Frankie, Tio Greg, Tio Angel, Amanda, Chris, Greggy, Ally, Christine, Titi Atwilda and Uncle John, Jane and Gino, Gail and Marty, Mr. and Mrs. Thomas, Emily and Laura, Stormy, Dan. If I'm forgetting someone, I'm sorry.
I will raise Amy and Peter to appreciate what's good in this world, in this one life we lead. I will make sure they pursue their desires, they fulfill their destinies.
I will make sure Cliff becomes the father he could be, and I will help him through his anger. I will help to make him a better person.
But most of all, I will make sure that everything you believed you did wrong, I will make right. I will do it to honor you, but I will do it for the future of our family, the future of Amy and Peter's families, for the future of my own.
I'm sorry Mommy. I'm sorry I couldn't hold you in your darkest hour. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you I would take care of you. I'm sorry I couldn't make the pain stop.
If I could hug you and smell you one last time, I would give up everything.
Rest in peace My Beautiful Angel.
Love forever, Annie

Come On Now

click on post title to read redick story.

Bitch

So blogger got lost my first entry today. I'm pissed. I'm PMSing, and I'm out of smokes. If it weren't raining (for the millionth day in a row) I would walk my fat ass down the hill to Collegetown. If I had any friends, I could ask them to take me for a ride. Dan won't be home until like 11pm tonight.

I've been smoking a lot lately--and during the day--something I've never done before.

I had a great sleep last night. Moo didn't pant. I think he prefers sleeping with one person .

I'm bitchy. I'm going to sign off now.

Fuck You Rain

I was extremely irritable last night stemming from a disturbing conversation I had with my father. I had already taken - I think three - of my headache pills and the special night pill that helps me to fall asleep. I also had some dark rum on the rocks. I got into bed to finish watching Ordinary People. I suppose I liked it, but 4 academy awards? This movie confirmed: my dislike for Mary Tyler Moore, my like for Donald Sutherland and Judd Hirsch and the future hotness of Timothy Hutton.

When Dan crawled into bed, Moo crawled between us only to get closer to me WHILE HE STARTED HIS PANTING. With a "fuckin' A" I was out of the bed like lightening. I slept in my old bed until Dan started calling me this morning when his alarm went off. Moo never did this when we lived alone.

I finished the book Little Earthquakes by Jennifer Weiner this weekend. I've read Good in Bed and In Her Shoes. She's got a new book out. She's one of those authors that you know writes a lot about her life. She's not as funny as she thinks she is. Nonetheless, her books are an enjoyable read. I started Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs. I've read Running With Scissors and Dry--both great reads. What an unbelievable life he led. Sometimes I think he's humor is contrived. IT's not the wonderfully strange of David Sedaris, who's humor is so natural and so real, you laugh days after reading a passage. Nonetheless, I'm a fan of Burroughs and look forward to sinking into Magical Thinking.

Dan has to go into the city today. I'm a little nervous about being alone as I'm not in the best state today. This rain is taking its toll and my parents have both upset me greatly. My uncle Frankie who has lived in Australia for the past 15 years, once told me that Australia wasn't even far enough away from his family--he said if he could move to the moon he would. Ithaca is just too close.

On a good note, I picked up another client yesterday. It's a small project fee, but at least I'm making my way. Signing off.

Sunday Night King of the Hot List

If you've gotten into Grey's Anatomy. Gotta love Sandra Oh from Sideways and Under the Tuscan Sun--two killer movies--and, of course, Ellen Pompeo from OLD SCHOOL. But the very best part about Grey's Anatomy is our favorite former nerd Patrick Dempsey. How fiiine did he get?

OK so I'm still boy crazy, and I love my tv. There are a few things that geography will never change. Signing off.

I Was Really Bitchy This Weekend

It was partially due to my lack of sleep, which resulted from my parents' current bout of contempt for one another. I dont' want to get into detail, let's just say a similar pattern is surfacing. As usual I'm the one playing mediator.

Sleeping in my old bed it of no comfort to me anymore. It feels foreign and cold. I moved to the couch.

All this rain is a big old bitch. I've said this before and I'll say it again--I'm desperate for sunshine. It also didn't help that Dan left the car windows and sunroof open Friday night. We had to go to Sears to buy a wet/dry vac.

Friday we watched Dr. Stranglove. I should say Dan watched Dr. Strangelove. I was bored to tears within 10 minutes and fell asleep. I suppose I don't really get Kubrick--maybe I don't care to. I did like Eyes Wide Shut and Clockwork Orange tho'.

We also Netflixed American Psycho, which we've both seen--but Dan thoroughly enjoys. If he winds up axing me later in life, we'll understand.

Here's a bit of knowledge: If you have wireless and have a 2.4 GHz cordless, hurry up and upgrade to a 5.8 GHz. 2.4 causes interference with the wireless. Dan and I were the last two shmucks to realize this. All along I thought it was Vonage...

Ithacans still write checks in stores. This irks me. My patience is questionable anyway, and when I have to wait behind someone who's logging their purchase into their check registry I'm about to scratch my own eyes out.

We went with Rick and Emily to the Farmer's Market yesterday and it sucked. Most of the vendors were not there. I think they may be shutting down for the winter. I want to get flowers, but no such luck.

Here's a view of Lake Cayuga from the Market on a nice sunny day.

Signing off.

Anniston Tongues Stacy's Man

Click on post title to read the story...

We'll add him to the hotlist. Anyway, that can move in on Brad's ex has got big balls. Also, he's one of the funniest dudes out there who made one of the best movies ever--OLD SCHOOL.

A Few Words From AZ

AZ says...several of my good friends have joined forces to help out with the hurricane relief effort and have designed some truly killer t shirts - with all proceeds going to various storm-related charities. if you're thinkin' about donating (or donating again), def cruise over to their site and check out what they're all about!
http://www.afterthestormonline.com/

He's requested that I ad Dylan Walsh, the other Nip/Tuck doc to the hot list. Excellent recommendation! Those eyes are dreamy.

On another note, Dan is sick. Woke up in the middle of the night feverish and sniffling. Basically it means he woke me up again--this week--in the middle of the night. He made it to class this morning, which I wouldn't have done. Yesterday he wolk up and walked to campus only to realize that he has off on Wednesday's. Yep, that's my boy. Then last night he said he left his stats homework in his locker at school only to find it in his bad when he went to sleep. He needs like a weekend of sleep. Poor thing.

I forgot what else I was going to write about today. Oh Shannon, go to the ABC Web site to read about the LOST episode from last night--that's if they posted it. I think I have a hot link on the blog. Signing off.

Slammed

This week has been a little crazy with the workload. I've also been killer tired--like sleeping until 10am. Really bad.

Who do you think is going to die on LOST?

I left my jean jacket at my parent's house this weekend--a staple of my fall wardrobe. I'm pissed.

So because of my workload and my apparent sleepiness, I've let my household chores fall by the wayside. My laundry has been sitting in the dryer since Sunday night. I just can't bring myself to fold it yet. This means that the laundry with Turdy's vomit is still sitting wet in the washing machine. This is also not like me.

While I was away my mums died. They lasted a long time. Did I tell you that i'm getting into plants? Also, Dan bought me a rose plant and that too got sick.

Sleepy. Signing off.

Bad Night Sleep

Dan's bus from NYC came in at about 1:30. I had just decided to turn of The Interpreter and catch some zzz's when the phone rang for a pick-up. Of course Dan had to promise two other guys that we'd give them rides home. By the time we got in I was totally awake so started watching The Interpreter again. Good movie. Nicole Kidman is good with the accents. I really don't like Sean Penn's nose tho'.

Anyway, Dan was horny and spent the next hour or so trying to get me in the mood. I just wanted to watch the movie and fall asleep. I was finally drifting off when he announced that one of the dogs vomited on the bed. It never hit the mattress, phew. BUT that kept us up for a while longer. Dan's got a very bad habit of leaving a lot of lights on in the house. Me--I would walk around int the darkness if you let me. The only time I like a lot of light is when I'm in the bathroom tweezing my brows.

Anyway, so as I get back into bed, I realized that Hornball has left the lights on downstairs. Somehow in between all of this he gets mad at me because I don't want to have sex at what is now 3:00. Also in between I have a battle with the slow rewind and slow fast forward on my DVD player. I turn on The Interpreter again and watch until I fall asleep. (At some point Moo gets off the bed. Don't know how cause he doesn't jump anymore. Back legs are getting weak. So he starts crying for me to pick him up.)

Next thing I kow, NPR is on. We've overslept. It's 8:15 am and Dan's new classes begin. He throws on some clothese and runs out the door. I jump on my email and go downstairs to see if my new coffee pot (the one Shan bought for me) has brewed my delicious pumpkin coffee. NO. Bastard. Well, it's my own fault cause I must have set it wrong.

So I step into the living room because I see something big and dark on our little area shag rug. I'm thinking it's the dogs' pig's ear, but nooooo. It's a big fucking dookie. Now look, My Boys have only had one accident since we've lived here and that was in the very first day when we left them amid boxes to go buy a couch. This gigantic dookie--not sure what it's about. I mean it looked like an elephant took this dump. I wonder if they were scared when I left in the middle of the night.

Anyway, I don't have a weak stomach and I pick up dookie 3x a day during their walks. This just set me off. This was the time when I wished we had a downstairs bathroom. I gagged all the way up the stairs.

I'm so exhausted that I just want to get back in to bed, which I finally do. I fall asleep until 10:30. Wait, I forgot sometime after Dan left this morning he calls me to look for a folder with his new class schedule. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK HE IS GOING!!!! And if he thinks he's getting some tonight, he better think again.

I've decided not to edit my posts anymore. This blog is homegrown.

The W.C. Is Out; Ithaca Is In

So Shannon and Igor's wedding was a good time. Shannon looked beautiful; Igor looked dapper. Everyone took to the dance floor and worked it out Club Mtv style.

Ladies, the next bridal party you're in, try to steer the bride away from the designer Alfred Angelo. I'm not gonna mince words here...his dresses are obviously made by some 5-year-old in China. I'm sure he will be getting a rather nasty letter from Shannon.

On my way to the W.C. I realized that I wasn't ready to go back. I'm happy being away. This doesn't mean that I don't miss everyone. It's just that I desperately needed a change, and I didn't realize it until I was gone. Because I feel different, I thought something would feel different/ better about being with my family. That wasn't the case. I won't even get into it now, but their behavior this weekend could have been better.

Shannon, do you remember how I said I couldn't find my black MAC eyeshadow. Well, Amy confessed that she stole it from me when she came to visit. I'm actually really mad about it.

I'm desperate for some sunshine. It's cold and gray today in Ithaca. They turned the heat on in our apartment and I had to turn the fan on and open all the windows in the middle of the night. It's hot as balls.

I made it to Ithaca last night in 3 hours and 30 minutes. I didn't even drive above 80 as it was raining and Rt 17 is pitch black. There wasn't anyone on the road, so I just coasted. I made it home for Desperate Housewives, which just gets worse every week. I can't even get in to how annoying Teri Hatcher is. I had two Netflix movies waiting for me in the mailbox, my Rolling Stone magazine and a check from ThePet Gazette. That was pretty nice.

I popped into the DVD player the movie Lords of the Dogtown. Heath Ledger sucks, but skateboarding is hot. I like Emil Hirsh. I think he's a fine young actor.

Did anyone catch Elizabethtown this weekend? I've only heard baaaad reviews. AZ - I know you didn't see it cuz you hate CC. Signing off for now.

Crowded House Quiet Again

So it's been raining since Thursday. I'm pretty sick of it. Of course the weekend that I have company...We had to skip the strawberry and apple picking, but we still hit the Apple Festival in the rain--so did most other Ithacans.

It was nice having the moms, Amy and Peter here. Amy and Moms bicker a lot, but I guess what teenage girl and their mom don't. We got to enjoy the new Family Guy DVD together (hysterical), and we chefed up some good grub. Moms bought me a pair of earrings and an ivy plant. We hit Ruloff's on their last day here.

Dan finished his finals last night and is brain dead.

Tomorrow I'm back in W.C. for Shannon and Igor's wedding. I've got a lot of work to kick out - so I'm going to sign off. Might not hear from me until Monday.

In Good Company

Yesterday was my buddy Jason's b-day. I forgot to give him a shout-out. I think he turned like 24 or something. I like this photo because it looks like he's thinking about something serious, but you know he's like, "I wonder if I'm going to get a blow-job tonight." It's a nice pic tho'. Anyway, Happy Birthday Jay.

So last night I worked until 8:15 and then we hit Wegmans. We can't walk out of that place without spending more than $100. Actually, last night it was $160. I purchased pumpkin pie coffee. Mmmmm...so good. I'm so excited that the family is coming tonight. You have no idea how badly I'm itching for some company. We're going to go to the Apple Festival in The Commons. My mom told me last night that Amy was like, "why do I have to go?" It really hurt my feelings. Dan reminded me that she's 16. Nonetheless, I thought she would be happy about coming to see her big sis for the weekend.

We joined Netflix--and have the first season of Nip/Tuck in our queue. I never know when this show is on. If someone else does and can also tell me what channel FX is here in 'Thaca, I would be a happy girl. That show is the bomb. We think Julian McMahon waxes his brows right? He's got sex appeal. We'll put him on the hot list for the week.

Dan just sent me an email from the next room. Retard.
Signing off...

Whoa LOST

Dude, what's going on in LOST? Craziness.

Last night I went to Rick and Emily's for a little LOST gathering. They watch it on projector. Something that would never ever occur to me. It was pretty cool with the DVR and all.

Anyway, I've been slammed for the past two days as I was out of commission mostly Monday and Tuesday with this ear infection.

My mom and the kids are coming tomorrow. So psyched for some company. Anyway, gots to sign off now as I've got projects to kickout. I've literally been on the phone straight since 8:30 this morning.

TomKat Preggers

Do celebs just refuse to wear condoms? (Click on post title for complete story)

Oops

STILL WED: Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey issuing a joint statement through a rep, denying reports from Us Weekly and Life & Style that the couple has ended their union. "Nick and Jessica have not separated," the rep said. "Rumors to the contrary are simply not true."

FATHER KNOWS BEST: Joe Simpson also telling E! News exclusively that the reports of the demise of his daughter's marriage are false. "Not true," Simpson said

Hot Off The Presses

You know Jessica turned pro-ho.

If You Love Something, Get Rid of It: Nick and Jessica to Divorce READ MORE: US Weekly, break-ups, nick and jessica The image at right (click to enlarge) probably won't be on the newsstands until 10 A.M. or so, but we don't see why you should wait for the news: Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, America's Newlyweds, have called it quits.

For those of you so self-loathing as to closely follow these things, you'll recall that in May, E! online reported that the couple had filed for divorce, only to mysteriously retract the story an hour later. But you knew, right then, that this was coming, didn't you?

The couple is waiting to make an official announcement later in the month (at the appropriate career opportunity, we're sure), but according to Us Weekly's scoop - kept so under wraps that employees were not allowed to receive their advance issues yesterday, presumably for fear that People might rape and pillage the story - the marriage has been dead for some time. Well, duh.

The article has a laundry list of contributions to the break-up (mostly blamed on Jessica), including creepy-dad Joe Simpson, Jessica's "diva" behavior, and her fondness for whiskey on the rocks. One of those ubiquitous sources close to the couple says, "Jessica's the problem. She's not the girl America fell in love with anymore."

Oh, young America, were you ever really in love with her? Or were you just lusting? C'mon, be honest.

And now, a moment of silence, please, so that we might hear the sound of every magazine editor in town simultaneously shitting themselves.

Spacy Turns 30

First and foremost, Happy Birthday to Stacy, who is celebrating the Big 3-0 today all jetsetter-style in Italy.

I've been hitting the vicodin for two days to comfort this nasty infection, so I've been out of commission. I'm feeling better today, but my ear is still swollen shut.

This weekend I took The Boys to visit the blindfolded horses. A runner had brought them some apples so they were hanging over the fence. They're sweethearts, tho' I still can't figure out what's up with the mesh blindfolds. For about 10 minutes The Boys were fine with the horses--until Moo looked up, saw that these horses were 25x his size and started doing his piggy-squeal. Most of you know what this is. This led Baby to do his ferocious bark--y'know the one like fatty is gonna attack you. It was time for us to go. There is a lovely little trail by the horse farm, which we walked until Moo was about to pass out. It was too long of a walk for them. I realized when I got back home and Baby started throwing up on our new living room carpet. It's a cheapie, but Dan and I both really like it. Like the Big Lebowski says, "it ties the room together."

Saturday I went to get the brows waxed again. I mistakenly went back to the same dimwit because I was unsure of other places to go. Well, this time dimwit dropped wax in my hair. It didn't come out until I showered the next day. She told me that I didn't have to pay, but I insisted (she actually did do a good job on the brows). She charged me five bucks and I left her a dollar tip. She did not say thank you.

I hit the Cornell Apple Orchard before I picked Danny boy up on Saturday. He had another one of those hellacious group meetings--FRI, SAT and SUN. Poor thing. I picked up some baby potatoes and a lovely spice soap. My total cost was $4.03.

We hit The Commons on Saturday afternoon for some pizza at Gino's, good NYC-style pizza. The Commons was hoppin'. All the hippies, musicians, stoners, college students were out in full force. Most of those stores on The Commons are not very useful; however, it's nice to still see local businesses. Not like in the W.C. where commercial rents are so high that Moms and Pops can no longer afford to keep their shop open without having to charge patrons astronomical prices. I like that people still make things and have a venue for which to sell their goods.

I finished a Joyce Carol Oates book this weekend called Solstice. Magnificent writing. It chronicles the lives of two women whose friendship dictates a deep and sophisticated emotional intimacy. The relationship is plagued with all of those vices contained in a lovers' relationship--jealousy, uncertainty... The ending is rather dubious. And left me begging, "what the fuck?" but I'm over it now. I started John Grisham's The Summons. His books are slow moving just like the folks in the Southern communities he writes of. Suddenly, there is a bang, and the book gets grooving. Thank God, because by then I'm ready to put it down.

Last week I had a dream about a tiny chicken. I should clarify that it's not a live one, but a supermarket bird. Anyway, got it into my head that I should bake one. Dan came home from the store with the very same chicken from my dream. I baked it with those lovely baby potatoes, some onions and garlic. I baked some brussell sprouts ( I know most of you are spewing), and it was a nice meal.

In the news:

• Jen and Brad are officially done.
• Paris and Paris are officially done.
• Nicolas Cage and his 20 year old wife had a baby. I like Cage, but this is a bit skeevy.

So I'm in the bathroom and I call out to Dan to please put the toilet seat down when he's finished. Normally he does, but when he forgets, I must be sure to nag him about it. In perfect timing, he farts loudly and tells me to "Take That." Little shit. Signing off.

Why Fema Never Got the Message

Sucky Sucks Suck

I'm nursing a super painful ear infection today so I'm not much in the mood to do anything. Besides, I'm a bit loopy.

I've got a lot to say tho' so check in tomorrow. Signing off.

Hippity Hop

Random thoughts for today -

• Moo goes down the stairs like he's a kangaroo.
• It's time to retire my flip flops cause it's getting cold.
• Dan and I are still on our burrito kick. Last nigth we hit Viva! again.
• The OC, Reunion and ER all sucked last night.
• Stacy is jetting off to Italy today. Bitch.
• I have a client that I love. For the first time in my life, I called a client at 9:00 a.m. and was in a better mood afterward.
• I slept in my old bed last night for about 30 minutes because Moo started his annoying panting again. I waited until he fell back asleep and then I crawled back into bed. By then Baby and Dan were fully spraweld out. Bastards.
• The screen is missing on my front door today.
• Dan's grandparents sent us some strudel for the Jewish holidays. I'm dying to bust into it, but gotta wait until Danny boy gets home.
• My head hurts.
• My stoopid fax machine is giving me problems again.
• Shannon is going to be an aunt to a baby girl named Gracie Rae.
• Kimmee is going to be a Mom to a Weimaraner name TBD. Please write in your ideas for names. She's leaning towards Sir Winston.
• The Boys are very excited about having a new cousin.
• The garbage disposal does not like gum.
• The paper shredder is my favorite thing of the week.

Signing off.

Whining and Bitching

Yesterday I saw a man who looked like a schnauzer. I was so taken aback he almost caused me to miss the turn onto my street. What a beard this man had.



I'm not in the mood to write today, but I have been in the mood to eat peanut butter. I'm PMS-ing, and it's cold today. Signing off

No Breakfast for Annie

Dan doesn't have class on Wednesdays, so he usually walks the dogs for me in the morning and makes be b-fast. I seriously look forward to it. For the past two days he hasn't come home until 10:30 - 11:00 pm. By then, I'm taking The Boys out for their final walk, coming home and running my evening bath. The bath calms me down so I can sleep better.

Last night I finally got around to giving myself a mani and a pedi. The big toenail is finally growing back...and I'm done moving stuff, putting things together and hanging frames. I already messed up the pedi, so I'm a bit peeved. At least my feet aren't like little hoofs anymore.

I just answered an ad on Craig's List to test pleasurable devices. I see this as my womanly duty. Hey, I'm home alone all day. Wait. He responded. OK, I have to test this out in front of him. That's a big no.

Anyway, last night I hit Big Lots (Kimmee you'll like this place). It's sells things for remarkably cheap prices. Unfortunately, it's depressing looking inside. Anyway, I picked up hair gel, clearasil face soap, a good size candle, sandwich baggies and bubble mailers. The cost was $7.50. Told you it was cheap.

I hit TJ Maxx again looking for a wallet and some bath salts. As I found my perfect wallet, I remembered that I don't have money for things I can really do without at this time. There is also the impending doom of the work drying up--so I really need to scrimp.

I hit Wegmans' food bar for some dinner. They have a chinese food bar that charges by the pound. Frankly, it's far cheaper to just order the Chinese food from a legitimate restaurant. I've never paid so much for a bit of chix and brocc. It was cute seeing all the college kids picking up their dinner there. I listened to The Cure on the ride there. It was dusk, a bit cold and certainly difficult to see. I felt a bit gloomy and think I'm going to stop listening to The Cure for a while.

Harpo Buys a State

Shannon is a little concerned about how much power Oprah has. Even though I like her (cause she's a black woman with all of this power), she scares me a little. I mean she directs, acts, produces movies with Halle Berry in them, hosts the most popular talk show in existence, has charitable foundations, reads all these frigging books, owns one of the most expensive houses in the world...Now we hear that The Opes is going to bring The Color Purple to Broadway. Ohhhh Lawdy. It will aptly be titled "Oprah Presents: The Color Purple. If she reprises her role as Sofia, well, we've all got to admit just how inferior we are.

So - Shannon and I have decided that Oprah will one day own her very own U.S. state. We know she's got a good portion of her bucks planted in Hawaii. We know Demi and Bruce have purchased most of Haley, Idaho. The important question to ask is: when Oprah buys her state, what will she rename it? I invite you to write in your ideas. I will determine a winner who will receive a blo-job as the prize. Sorry, if you don't have a penis, you're shit outta luck. Just kidding. No contest. No prizes. Just want you to make me laugh!

The Donald's Semen Strikes Again

Yes, there will be a new heir to the Trump fortune. His strange looking wife Melania is preggers. I'm curious as to what that kid will look like.

Today it's cold in 'Thaca, but the sun is shining bright. The air smells so sweet. I just love it.

I drove Danny boy to campus this morning as his butt was late again. At 8:30 a.m. Cornell U. is bustling. It's nice to see all this kids with proper dreams making it to an 8:40 a.m. class. They're all sporting their IPODS. Some ride bicycles with little baskets in front. It's hard as this place is so hilly, so I have to be careful driving near the bikers as they start to wobble.

Last night I watched the Chinese flick Nobody Knows about four children whose whore of mother leaves them alone in their apartment to raise themselves. She periodically sends them money. It was tremendously sad. There was very little dialogue, but the actors showed such emotional range through physical expression. It was a rather long movie, with a tragic ending that left me feeling hopeless. Very stupidly - or masochistically - I jumped back into Million Dollar Baby. What a miserable movie--and from the first scene! I have to accept that no matter how much I love Clint Eastwood directed movies, I just can't stomach any boxing flicks. Anyway, I haven't finished the flick--and I don't know if I'm going to. I need some slap-happy teen movie to follow up with. (stacy, I have to tell you who one of the assholes in the movie is. you can probably already guess.)

Signing off.

D'Angelo Critically Injured In Car Crash

Click on post title for complete story.

Since his family isn't releasing his condition, who knows what kind of shape he's in. If anyone hasn't listened to his album Voodoo, I suggest you buy it or download some tunes asap because it's truly a classic.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000035X1M/qid=1127756371/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-4803404-2309744?v=glance&s=music&n=507846

Demi and Ashton

Those two actually got married. This rubs me the wrong way for some reason. Not like I'm crazy for Ashton cause he ain't no thang, but he seems like a nice guy and Demi...She seems to have B*TCH written all over her. (Click on the title of this posting for the full story)

So I watched the entire first season of LOST this weekend. That show is ridiculously good. I have a brand new obsession.

On Friday night I hit Hollywood video and rented Million Dollar Baby and some other Chinese flick (can't remember what it's called, but I'm gonna watch it t'night, so I'll let you know tomorrow). I haven't completed MDB because I got sucked into LOST, but...damn...Clint got old.

So Friday night Rick and Emily (Rick is at Johnson with Dan) stopped by and asked us out to dinner. I was so happy for some company. We hit Ruloff's in Collegetown. A little background...Collegetown is basically all of the restaurants, convenience stores, books stores for the Cornell U. crowd. It's right down the gigantic hill from our complex. Ruloff's is a dark, dank pub that's v. Popular. It's named after a brilliant guy who murdered--among others--his 17-year-old wife and baby. He was hanged and his head chopped off. Cornell U. has his head. Anyway, it was nice to get out for a few hours and have conversation again. Emily and Rick came to 'Thaca from Williamsburg, B'KLYN. They're not married...and it's the first time they're living together too. They have a chihuahua named Yoda. Anyway, it was a nice time.

Saturday we hit the Farmer's Market where I got the most gigantic bouquet of flowers. It was so heavy I could barely carry it to the car. $10. They're beautiful and sweet smelling and they just make me so happy.

I'm on my burrito kick again. I made some Saturday night and they were fabo--

Guess who I found sleeping in my Special Room on Sunday morning. Yep, that's right, Dan crawled in to my old bid in the middle of the night.

Yesterday, I couched it all daylong. It was great. Had my favorite black sweats on and a Chili's t-shirt. I was comfy and lovin' it. Yesterday was one full month.

I have a nervous feeling today. I'm not sure what it's all about.

Dan had an accounting test at 7:50 this morning. It's also raining. Pretty sucky way to start off the week. Gotta attempt to take The Boys out. Signing off

Hot Picks Of The Week

Sorry for the delay today My Eager Beaver Blog Readers. There was work that had to be done!

Ok - so these are the guys I've been dreaming about this week. Please note that Anthony Kiedis is in a recurring full-on set of (wet) dreams. (Ok so I'm pretty fucking cheesy. I'm should write for Teen Beat or something. This is just where my mind has been this week.)













And I best not forget to include him (he calls this one Letigre).

I think it's very interesting that Dan points the shower head so far out that it hits the opposite bath wall. Does anyone else have this problem? Because of this, water leaks out the side and onto the bathroom rug, which requires a drop in the spin cycle. Also, I was most curious this morning about the ring of water surrounding the toilet bowl base. Did someone piss on the floor? The Boys have only had one accident and that was our first day in the apartment when we left them alone to go buy a couch and they was scaaaaared. Anyway, I did drink two vodka and sodas last night. Might I have missed the bowl. Did Dan? If so, I could see him doing it purposely. Anyway, the imagination is getting the best of me. Probably just condensation.

A friend of mine just got a new gig so we all have to do a shot for him tonight. (REMEMBER , every Friday we're going to do a shot once the day is done?) Congrats to him for checking that all empowering fear of change and getting out of a dismal situation.

Stacy has requested that I write an Ode to Friends. Not some sappy shit, but a tribute to the TV show. She's very upset that it no longer airs at 11 on the WB--despite the 5-night a week Sex-er. No more Chanandaler Bong. No more Joey eating sandwiches. No more anal-retentive Monica. Though the Sex-er is by far a better show, I do feel amiss. It was good wind-down, in the bed TV. Anyway, our girl Stace is going through a tremendous loss, so let's also do a shot in her honor tonight.

These are some things that I don't like:

• paranoia
• Kevin Costner
• conventional in imagination (just stole this term from the Joyce carol Oates book I'm reading - i think it's gonna get lesbonic.)
• those who can't appreciate silence and insist on finding something to babble about
• unnecessary repitition, excludes people whose memories suck
• those who ask first and think later
• Coffee from the bottom of the pot
• Two long-term ex-boyfriends
• Rhode Island

OK so let's talk for a minute about living with a man. The stupid shit that comes out of his mouth is phenomenal. I wonder sometimes how he got into an Ivy League business school. Do most men spend their non-working time talking about their dicks, farting, tits, pooping, football, baseball, fantasy football and fantasy baseball, the dogs' bathroom activities, the dogs' nether regions, the dogs' anuses, his own anus, my anus, porn, sticking it in---and the latest and greatest..."if you dont' wear underwear to bed something is going to crawl into your snatch when you sleep."

So my brain is playing tricks on me. I've forgotten this week how to use my "were's". Someone please explain this to me again. I've got the wear down, but for some reason the other two forms are confusing the fuck outta me. I mean I know "where" is for location; however, if I'm using it in a sentence like, "I need to launch this product where there is a high concentration of X."

I also kept thinking of things like jumbo shrimp and vanilla fudge, but couldn't remember what the term was for them. It's oxymoron. But whatta blank I drew!

Taking the rest of the day off. Signing off.

The Gift

So the T3 guys a few doors down have an outdoor cat. When we walk by her, you know she's thinking, "Keep away you Doggy Assholes." Anyway, I've noticed that she leaves presents for her owners every morning. This morning there was a dead mouse on the walkway. Yesterday I came across a completely gutted mouse. I have found fur patches and various innards scattered about on my walks with The Boys.

OK - so I have a dilemna. Do I watch the second episode of Reunion tonight or do I watch the premiere of The Apprentice. I know what your vote is Shannon. The new ER is on tonight too. Shans you better be taking a nap when you get home from work.

We all know Kimmee situation with her new wheels...some punk mofos keyed the entire side. Well, victory is hers as her boss finally gave her a parking sticker for the lot after 4 years of working there. Too bad her car had to be keyed to get one. Bastards.

So we're getting the check back for the couch we weren't able to pick up. Phew. Signing off. Work.

It's Just Not Worth It

So I was on the phone with an ad sales rep for one of the local newspapers. He basically told me that it wouldn't be worth it for me to advertise in his publication. He says I'm better going after business where there is business to go after. It's not here in Ithaca. Oddly enough, he gave me a few leads for people whose advertising sucks. So interesting. Central New York is an interesting place to be. Signing off

The Morning Constitutional

When you live in a studio everything you need is really no more than five steps away. Now, I have to go upstairs to use the bathroom, grab my nail file and my cuticle cutter, we have DVDs both upstairs and down...My morning coffee experience requires some 4 trips up and down the stairs.

Anyway, were any of you fans of Peter Jennings? I watched him since I can remember. These days I fell the loss. No one could report the news like him.

So last night, I got a takeout burrito from Viva. It was excellent.

So Dan took the boys for a walk a little while aog, and as Moo was taking a.m. pooh, this group of Asian women started laughing and pointing at him. They thought his pooh-making was soo cute. So they came over to pet The Boys. They Dan were all giggly. Once they had their fill, they started walking off to school. At this point Turdy had done his job so he started heading in the direction of the house, which happened to be the same direction the girls were walking. They kept turning around, laughing and commenting that Turdy was following them. He wanted to go to school with them...Little do they know that Turday can't stand to be away from his Mama for more than five minutes. He' only recently felt comfortable with Dan walking him.

Tuesday's Snooze

I didn't post this morning. Partially because I had to drive Danny Boy to school--and because I haven't had a moment's peace until right now...but I still haven't plenty of work to do.

I was on the phone with Jodi B. this morning and I saw the squirrel I see everyday at the same time bouncing across the street with what looks like a tennis ball in its mouth. (I will tell you my other squirrel stories at a later date. It's a fascinating animal.) I'm like, "Holy shit. I can't believe this squirrel can hold on to a tennis ball." Jodi B. tells me to go take a picture...but, remember? I don't have a camera. Anyway, as the squirrel moves closer, I realize it's not a tennis ball but a gigantic apple from MY APPLE TREE. Yes, the one down the street that I will be eating from once the works runs dry. That little bastard.

Anyway, last night after I dropped Dan off at his Citibank recruitment function, I hit the good ole Pyramid Mall. I've been waiting for the GAP to have a sale. I bought a black button down shirt and a some sorta see-thru nighgown number with the gift certificate Dan gave me for my B-Day. I've taken to wearing lingerie to bed lately...if you care to know. I used to bring all of my nighties on vacation, but lately I just wear them every night. They're wonderfully comfortable as long as they don't have straps, pullies, feathers and bows.

Anyway, Bath & Body Words is discontinuing my favorite scent Plumeria. Those bastards. I've got about 10 spritzes left of the Gardenia scent they did away with about 5 years ago. Anyway, I purchased two bottles of body spray. Then, I hit the pet store where I was tempted to buy some more fish. In the move here, we lost Mr. Turdyhead and Slut. AquaMoo III died a week prior. RIP. I refrained, talked to the family buying the cute lil dwarf bunny, and walked out with some lightbulbs for the fishtank and Greenies for The Boys.

I hit Hallmark for some cards for Amez and Peter. Moms says they have been very good lately, so I wanted to send them a little note telling them how proud I am. My final stop was Hollywood Video where I opened up a membership. I rented Crash, but didn't watch yet.

So what do we think about Sex and the City on five nights a week? Those chicks are going to make a boatload off of syndication.

News Headline of the Day

Kate Moss Admits to Being a Cokehead; Gets Dropped By H & M
(as if we didn't already know that)
http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/17401

Tori Spelling And Look-A-Like Hubby Split

Click on title of this post to read the story. But first, do we think they had the same plastic surgeon to do their cheek implants ?

So I caught a bit of the E! red carpet preview of the Emmy's yesterday afternoon. What a spectable. I mean they got the most annoying people to host this red carpet showdown. Star Jones' weave was reminiscent of Jerry Hall. She looked like a squeezable bottle of grape jelly. Kathy Griffin was dressed like Little Bo Peep. Julianna Depandi looked and spoke like she dropped a xanax and a few vicodin. And then there is Carson Kressley...yuuuuuck.

Camryn Manheim looked stellar. Gotta give her props cause she made The Practice awesome back in the day.

I watched the last two episodes of Entourage last night. I'm sorry but Jeremy Piven slays me. I think the shit that comes out of his mouth is brilliant. And I love the relationship with his wife. I also like how Drama and Turtle are always together. They're so cute.

I had a really good sleep last night. Marshy started his panting at some point, but it didn't keep me awake this time. I stayed in the bed the entire night.

Here's a stoopid quote from an e-mail that's circulating with all the redick things that have come out of our politicans' mouths regarding Hurricane Katrina:

"Now tell me the truth boys, is this kind of fun?" –House Majority Leader Tom Delay (R-TX), to three young hurricane evacuees from New Orleans at the Astrodome in Houston, Sept. 9, 2005 (Source)

Signing off. Time to take the dogs out.

Fall's Freedom

There have been football games at Cornell the past two nights. We can hear the sounds from the stadium. (There is also some pretty decent music coming from that stadium.) Anyway, it's just another sign that the summer of 2005 is gone. Welcome fall.

I guess the summer really ended for me when I found out the Dan got into Johnson. Since then everything has been a whirlwind, and I'm a few steps behind the actual events occuring in my life.

The leaves are turning. The night brings a comfortable chill. The air is fresh, but you could smell the cold waiting to creep its way into town.

Dan just went to his finance club meeting, and I'm feeling a little lonely. I miss everyone so much today. My mom and the kids are coming Columbus Day weekend and I'm so excited about it. Then I get to see Shannon. Stacy is coming up the last week in October. I have so much to look forward to. It's just getting thru now...today.

Dan told me last night that it upsets him when I crawl into my old bed at night. I do know that Marshy drives me crazy when he starts his 2:30 a.m. panting party. I don't know if part of all this is psychological, and I haven't full let go of my old life.

It's been three full weeks today.

Yesterday I cleaned the house. It's not fun cleaning a two floor apartment. We bought another bookcase, too. It's cheap, but it does the trick. We're still toying with getting rid of the exercise bike. It's awesome, but it's seriously taking up space. Also, it's now in my Special Room, which has no TV. Bike and TV go hand-in-hand. It's been about 2 months since I've used it. With it gone, we can buy yet another bookcase and a filing cabinet, which I really need.

It's amazing how many birds there are here. I mean a full song plays from the tree across the parking lot, which is in my front line of sight. For description purposes, my desk is in front of the big window in my Special Room that overlooks the parking lot. Sounds dreary to overlook a parking lot, but it's not. It's very small and everyone that lives in the big apartment tower has to walk thru it--so I do get to people watch. This complex is also nicely landscaped and there is a comforting tree right outside my Special Room window. It's nothing like the tree from Poltergeist.

I just finished my second book in the three weeks I've been here. Yes, I've been slow. Book number one was Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis. Book number two was Honeymoon by James Patterson. It was a pretty bad book, but reading crappy mysteries has become a hidden pleasure. What's more ridiculous is that my Patterson and Mary Higgins Clark books are sharing shelves with Irving and Hemingway. It's a nice escape tho'. When you're trained to read literature, reading isn't just a pasttime, it's work. I had to untrain myself, and now I'm enjoying all of these book-of-the-month club reads.

I'm going to hang some prints now. Signing off.

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

My head is hurting so bad, I'm not sure what to do. I've take the super-headache meds and we're completely out of Tylenol and Advil in the house. I think Dan has some Vicodin stashed somewhere, but it's from four years ago.

I really hit a wall today. I need to be more careful about the projects I choose to work on.

Since we have many people (around four) curious about the bust-up of our favorite weight-gaining actress and that strange looking little man, here's the story where Bridge explains her fraud claim.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/20050916/en_celeb_eo/17382

Time to do a shot. Signing off.

The Great Big Merge

Niagara Falls, May 2005. The Falls made us have to pee a lot.

Dan said I had a lot of snot in me last night...Missy. He was saying in a cute way that I was being a bitch. It made me laugh.

We're running out of space in the apartment and its driving me crazy. The merging of the households is fantastic, but it's never peaches. I have four boxes in the downstairs coat closet that are my kitchen items--pots and pans, an extra Foreman Grill (saving for you Stace), a napkin holder, a lovely set of dessert dishes...I can't rid of this stuff. I mean what if this cohabitation doesn't work, and I'm back in the W.C.? And then there are all of my books. I think I may have to suck it up and get rid of sum. I have three boxes that haven't been emptied. They have no place to go.

Then there is the container of skinny clothes. All my old Calvins, cute little corderoy Gap skirts, etc. How can I get rid of them?

Signing off.

Bridget Jones Splits With Strange Little Country Singer

ET has confirmed that RENEE ZELLWEGER and country crooner KENNY CHESNEY have filed to anull their marriage of just over 4 months. (Click on title of this post for complete story.)

What idiots.

Garbage Disposal

Have you ever seen such an ugly shoe? I came across it in the clearance section of the TJ Maxx site.

I don't think that I told you guys that I have a garbage disposal. I've never lived anywhere with a garbage disposal. It's a wonderful thing. I have to stop myself from shoving too much down there. Yet another thing that has changed my life.

OK - so I'm a little restless...talking about this fugly shoe and a garbage disposal. Anway, tomorrow is Friday and my friend Meg has a very special ritual. Every Friday when she gets home from work she takes a shot of whatever the hell she wants to say goodbye to the week and to kick off the weekend. I think that's just brilliant. So everybody, when you get home take a shot of Tequilla (except for you Stace) and salute the Mexican living in Ithaca. Signing off.

The Man Weighs In

Dan wanted me to inform my blog readers that he has a big throbbing dick.

Isn't it funny how when you scan thru the radio stations the ones that come thru loud and clear are the awful ones. Suddenly you hear honky tonk music that makes your ears bleed; some preacher rambling on about God is speaking at ridiculously loud volumes; wretched classical music where one song goes on for 20 minutes and includes screechy violins makes you want to stab yourself.

I still haven't foward Howard Stern...the thing is that he's in the nearby cities so I should be getting those stations.

Dan finally organized his closet last night. Thank God because that kid was about to be murdered. There is an invisable partition in our bedroom. His side has all of socks, receipts and various stacks of clothing on the floor. My side = totally neat except for my tool box and slimline stereo which I need help hanging on wall.

I put together the living room electronics - DVD, stereo, VCR, etc. Now I get to watch Entourage. Signing off.

White Trash Baby Is Born

Fudgy The Whale

Has anyone seen The Exorcism of Emily Rose? Is is really scary? The real Emily Rose is named Annelise Michel or Michael. Can't remember. I love scary movies, but exorcisms scare the bejeezus out of me. The Exorcist makes me completely freak out.

Last night I had a craving for icecream sundays. I went out and got all the fixins--reeces pieces bits, crushed nuts, caramel and butterscotch. It was fantastic. First, I poured myself a cheap glass of sweet wine--y'know the kind you find at the supermarket--and watched the premiere of the Gilmore Girls. That's another weird thing with me lately--I'm drinking this crappy wine that's basically sparkly, fruity-flavored water, and I'm also eating pastrami. I'm always having a craving for pastrami. Seriously, I don't think I have evern in my life ordered or eaten by myself a pastrami sandwich. Anyway...

Yesterday the exhaustion finally hit me, and I became restless and irritable. Is was bad. It's funny that when my mom doesn't hear from me for two days she begins to worry and then she gets mad. I used to go weeks--months even--without speaking to her.

I fucked up on the recent article I had due in. I couldn't get my sources. I actually couldn't find any substantial research. It was difficult, and it's not weighing well with me. I need my girls to take my mind off of things.

I wandered into my bed again last night. AND, I had taken my super headache medication that makes me sleepy.

Time to take The Boys out for a walk. First, let me share a very funny picture I received from an e-mail titled, "If we don't win the war."

Falling Over My Desk

I went to sleep a little late last night because I was watching Blue Crush. God, I love that movie. Dan and I hit another restaurant in The Commons last night called RagMuffins. We each had a french onion soup and split a pastrami sandwich. It was pretty good except the place had a strange odor. Dan didn't notice. Then we hit Wegmans for some more groceries. I have this feeling that when the work runs dry we won't have any food in the house and I'll be eating from the apple tree around the corner.

We hit the Farmer's Market this weekend, which was awesome. (AZ - I'm sure you've been? BTW does Beth sell her soap around here. I have a friend who would love.) We purchased some wonderful tomotoes, corn, basil and bleu cheese made from goat's milk. I bought a little 5 X 7 butterfly drawing from a local artist and a handmade candle that smells incredible. The place is certainly not cheap tho'.

In my research for a recent article, I came across the Webs site, www.feralchildren.com. It's fascinating account of all of the children that have been raised in the wild. I mean we've all seen The Jungle Book, but to think there is whole Web site devoted to this topic. Anyway, you'll see if you check out the site that not all of these stories are a. believeable or b. just focused on being raised by animals--meaning--one of these children were extremely abused and haven't fully developed normal habits. And that's enough on this topic.

Have I mentioned the premiere of The Family Guy? Brilliant...

Signing off - gots to shower.

Two Full Weeks And A Whole Lotta Changes

I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Today I miss Howard Stern. His show has gotten me out of bed since high school, and I haven't heard his X-rated epithets for 16 days. I think there is a station that's here, but I haven't found it yet.

It finally hit me how much my life has changed. Not one aspect of my former routine is still in place. I wake up and go to bed at a different time. I don't go sit in a shitty cubicle all day. I don't drink Green Mountain every morning. I don't watch The Family Guy before I go to bed. I don't rush to the TV at 8pm. I DON'T HAVE DIRECTV ANYMORE. I have to walk The Boys three times a day. I haven't driven my car in two weeks. (BTW, my car insurance just went down $320 a year!) I don't even have the same coffee pot--my filthy white Mr. Coffee that I had for three faithful years. I haven't had TV night with Shannon. I haven't talked to Kimmee on my drive home from work to vent about the day's atrocities. I didn't even get to watch the last two episodes of Entourage. I can't smoke in the house anymore.

And I wonder why I'm compelled to crawl into my old bed every night.

My head hurts. Today has been really difficult. Lots of deadlines. Lots of second-guessing myself.

Here's my other gripe - one of Dan's best friends neglected to include my name on an invitation, which I believe is to his engagement party. It reads Dan Bouza and Guest. Me, Stace, Shans and Kimmee have bitched about this all morning. All we have to say is "What the fucking FUCK." (Oh, and fuck a fucking duck.) That's so many levels of wrong. I have been with Dan for 4 years. I have just moved my entire life to be with this man and his best friend can't manage to put my name on an invitation.

Now, I thought my non-confrontational companion would dismiss this with a "not a big deal," but oh-no, he's not too happy about it.

Should I boycott? I'm actually pretty shocked at how hurt I am about all of this. Goes to show what they think of me.

Kimmee would like me to share her story on a similar experience.
"Please note that these people were invited to our wedding, and the invitation we sent, was OF COURSE addressed properly to two people that WERE NOT MARRIED. When we received the invitation, Jason was referred to as GUEST, even though he was now my husband and this person KNEW THAT. This person was my co-worker. Not only was Jason insulted but he was furious knowing that he was thought of like this. Me, I became a f'n lunatic and almost refused to work w/ this person AT work. Yah.. Leave it to me to take it to another level. Yup. This was also done to another person I work with, who received an invitation to the wedding.. And her husband was referred to as GUEST. And she too.. Almost lost it."

There Are Many Squirrels Around Here

...and they move at an advanced speed.

Anyway, Dan emailed me this fascinating piece of knowledge this morning. The funny thing is, when I was taking The Boys for a walk I was thinking the exact same thing. Birds of a feather...

The eyebrow wax. was was a no go. The nail salon I happened across does waxing very sporadically when a certain worker comes in. I dont' understand this. If you can do nails, you should be able to wax and give lousy massages. Bottom line. (you're right kimmee.) Anyway, this special employee will be in today between 11-5.

Signing off.

The Weather Is Gorgeous Today

Today's agenda:

1-Target to buy some sort of a lift for the bed.
2-TJ MAXX to look for a bed dust ruffle
3-Craft store to buy some more frames for our prints
4-Farmer's Market to get produce (may skip this)
5-Get these Amazon eyebrows waxed
6-Possibly Wegmans for some groceries
7-Talk to Stace
8-Call Mom back - dont' forget to tell her about Shan's rehearsal dinner
9-Open a checking account at the local HSBC

Last night we finally went out for dinner. I had a cravin' for a burrito, so we headed down to The Commons and found Viva, a cool Mexican restaurant . The margaritas on the rocks were killer. I quickly downed the first one and felt a little tipsy. The chips and salsa...delish. Now if we hadn't ordered alcohol, our bill would have been around $16. That's simply amazing. God Bless Ithaca. An interesting tidbit, this restaurant called itself a "health-conscious" Mexican eatery. To its credit, it absolutely was. Ithaca is a very organic, very veggie city. There was, however, a steak burrito on the menu, which my carnivorous man had to order. The waitress was baffled when he said, "I'll have the steak burrito, please." She was silent for a moment and said, "What? We have that on the menu?"

Anyway, I finally got to stroll down The Commons. The only store opened was one of those little hippie stores with all of the incense, hippie clothing and lots of stuff made by stoners. I sauntered in hoping to find some interesting incense (Dan hates the stuff). Anyway, I wasn't paying attention, but Dan said that one of the workers skirted across the floor and behind some "employees only: type-of-area. He thought she went to change the music because a Dave Mathews cd came one. Anyway, as soon as we walked by the spot, she jumped out and gave a rather feeble attempt at a monster's noise. She was trying to scare us. The only thought in my head was, "Dude, what's wrong with you; I'm trying to shop." Dan gave one of his stares that says, "You're very strange and I just can't understand."

Dan made a lovely breakfast while I took The Boys for a walk. A bacon, tomato and onion omelette with rye toast. (Thankfully, someone is good in the kitchen.) I ate while reading the Ithaca Times, an alternative weekly. The coffee = freshly brewed Morning Blend from Wegman's.

I had to sleep in my Special Room last night. Dan and The Boys took over the bed and I was very uncomfortable. It's nice sleeping in my old bed every once in a while. I always fall into a hard slumber. These blinds that are on the windows click together when the wind blows and it's really fuckign annoying. I kept waking up wondering where the hell I was. I tried to get back into bed with Dan, but it just wasn't working. The Boys were like, "Get lost Bitch. This is our bed now." Anyway, I went back to my Special Room.

Gonna jump in the shower to get the day started. Signing off.

He's Just Hot...

Long Live 6 FT.
OK - so Dan has some other career/recruitment thing to go to for the third night in a row. I'm a little peeved as I would like to go out--or at least I want him to clean up his shit off the bedroom floor. Anyway, I really need to tear myself away from this computer. It's giving me a headache. Signing off.

Kimmee Needs A Treat...And A Scratch Behind The Ear

Due to overwhelming response, I have to publish Kimmee's childhood story about her insatiable appetite for dogs biscuits.


"When I was three, my mom's used to have to hide the dog
biscuits from ME b/c I didn't understand why he got "treats" for
doing good.. and I didn't. Where's my treat? Cake on my b'day just wasn't cutting it. I wanted shit daily. (Side note in my defense: I was still an only child then.. and my dog was my only competitor). But - guess who always found them."


Her dog was her only competitor. Brilliant. LOL.