Ok - so I got a call from my vet this morning at 8:15 AM saying that a nameless person left a message saying she had Marshy. She did leave a number. Turns out she's a vet student named AMY. She says Marshy dashed across the four way intersection that's at the corner of my complex. I will pick him up at 12:30 today when Amy gets out of class.
I can't wait to see him.
Anyway, this whole experience made me think a lot about what I treasure in my life. I'm fortunate that I have a lot of things that I deeply value, but certain things, certain people truly stand out--and I'm not sure how I would go on if I were to lose any of them.
Being in a sheer state of panic is perhaps the most horrifyingly detached emotion I've ever felt. All that exists in the world is my own panic. All I can hear are my own internal voices just battling it out in my head.
Nothing could take this dog out of my head last night. I took some of my sleeping aids; smoked a million cigarettes (and in the house); finished my Anthony Kiedis book (which was the only thing that could occupy my mind); literally dumped everything I could into the washing machine; and endlessly shoved food into my mouth--major comfort eating.
The level of exhaustion I feel today is too difficult for me to explain. Mind you, I also unpacked most of my apartment this weekend and was already completely fried to begin with. Signing off for now.
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1 comment:
That was written wonderfully.
I relate on certain notes, and go off on my own tangents. But mainly YOU are one of those people that I could never lose. I could never survive.
My fear and anxiety alone kept me awake the day before your move, how I had the energy the day of your move is beyond me. But all in all, I am grateful and always will be to have you in my life.
Please don't make me ever resort to my internal voices. They will surely get the better of me.
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